It was a year of change - the most I had ever had in my life thus far. It was a year that, down the road, I'll be able to pin-point as the beginning of something new; of my quest to become, well, me. It was 2012, and it's ending in a day.
Holidays this year seemed to have a greater impact on me this year. I'm sure the increase in gratitude toward my family, friends, and current situation, as well as my acknowledgement of the amazing pouring of blessings that rain down on me every day by me simply living, is due to the amount of changes I went through this year and also the recent Sandy Hook tragedy. May those angels rest in peace.
It's funny how tragedy and death always put life into perspective; how the leaving of another's soul causes us to make the selfish - but necessary due to its reflective nature - examinations of our own souls. Though I underwent many life changes this year, Sandy Hook will always be a 2012 marker for me; the lessons I took away from the anguishing story are so on par with everything else I learned this year from all my changes.
IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY. This was my biggest lesson this year. You never know when life will be taken from you. I went through "hard times" this year, emotionally, due to some career stress (truly #firstworldproblems, if I am being honest, for having woes within a job is a "good problem" to have), and I leaned on my parents so, so hard. I think the job stress I went through was for me to emerge on the other side with a greater appreciation for them. I've always loved them, of course, but going through what was one of my more difficult periods, with them by my side, meant the world to me. I'm so insanely fortunate to have two parents who, despite our quirks and quips, love me unconditionally. This lesson has made me re-examine how I approach companionship in my life.
CARE WHEN IT MATTERS. Don't sweat the small stuff, or don't sweat when you don't actually care. Does that make sense? Again, life is too short to dwell. We'll make mistakes, we'll have to deal with the consequences. I did a lot of things this year that, in my heart, I didn't think through 1000%. I didn't know what the end goal or outcome would be, but I did it, expounded probably too much of my own energy, got worn down, bounced back up. January to May of this year were the most hellish of my life; now, I'm happier than ever. I've learned that we can't control or know everything now, so when faced with decision-making time, make one, don't turn back, and deal with it if and when any issues arise. No use wasting energy on things that don't happen.
GET ONE GEAR TURNING. My friend told me her Mom's anecdote on life: we have many gears that we need to turn: a career gear, a romantic relationship gear, a family gear, a friend gear, a personal gear, etc. etc. It's not just hard -- it's nearly impossible -- to get more than one or two gears turning at the same pace at once. If you can get one gear turning, consider yourself blessed. Work hard to get that gear turning as quickly as possible, and appreciate that gear as being the positive force in your life.
PATIENCE FOR THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER. Going back to the lesson on family, I learned patience. It's easiest to get upset with the people who are closest to you, and ironically, these people matter most. So I learned to be patient. Similarly, I learned to be patience with the person who matters most to me: myself. As a member of Gen Y, I expect success instantaneously. I work very hard, sure, but beat myself up over where I was going in life, what I had or had not accomplished, etc. But maybe that's the beauty of my story: my journey is one of self-creation; there's not a Point A, Point B to my beginning and end of success. When consoling me one day through my quarter-life crisis, my Dad used Daw Aung Saan Suu Kyi as an example: she had to be under house arrest for 12 years before really getting recognized acclaim from Burma. Now, how should I expect success tomorrow if she, one of my heroes, clearly had to wait?
HAVE SOME FUN EVERY DAY. Sometimes I can be very serious and pensive. When I'm in a moment of introspection, or when I'm focused at a task at work especially, or home, I get very serious, seemingly tune others out, and put a game face on. I'm learning to see the humor in these situations now, and am trying to laugh more at the little things. It helps that my roommate is probably one of the wittiest (and sweetest, kindest, most wonderful person) women I know, so it's rubbing off one me!
"MY ONE FOR TODAY". This was a brief project of mine this year, to tumblr one thing I learned or was gracious for that day. I was so easily getting sucked into negative thought as I wallowed about how lost I seemingly was - but I pulled myself out by remembering that there's always beauty in the day. There's always a lesson. Plus, my "problems" are very, very insignificant compared to other real problems in the world. I'm very blessed.
When looking back at 2012, I see a year where I took a job half-heartedly, got my energy zapped, changed my persona in a negative and toxic way, made a quick decision to move cities with a half-secured plan, and bounced back to enjoy life again. To live out my goal to visit one new place a year, I visited many US cities for work: worked Superbowl in Indianapolis, IN, saw Detroit, visited Kansas and Missouri; then toured Eugene and Portland, OR and Seattle, WA with college friends. Pretty good, for also exploring my new home city!
I learned that you can fall in love with a city, and the feeling can be as real as falling in love with a person. I sincerely love San Francisco. It's magical, and the friends I've made up here, the memories I'll forever keep, are for the books.
It was a year when I - the girl who was always seen as independent by others - finally felt independent for myself. 2012 marked the beginning of me becoming a true me. I had no idea I'd be where I am now, but I'm so grateful for my life and everyone in it. 2013 will be great.
Blessings to all.
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