"Twilight" > "Mundane History"

I just returned from a delicious Mexican dinner with Jo and Linnea, followed by an independent Thai movie with those two + Drew, called “Mundane History,” at the Cineplex at the Siam Paragon.

The Cineplex is classy, gorgeous, sparkling, and one hell-of-a movie theater. The arm chairs are fluffy, red, and recline. The ones in the back of the theater, by the way, are love seats (ooh lala!). I love the people I spent time with tonight. The quality of the Mexican food was almost up-to-par with last weekend's Tex-Mex food, which was delicious, at Charley Brown's restaurant with about 30 other CIEE folks. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I really did finish off my whole plate of Grande Supreme Nachos, which is supposed to be shared (but whatever, how often do I get Mexican food here?). The movie, though, was the most artistically absurd attempt at an indie film that I have ever witnessed.

Not that I'm a master of indie films by any sorts, but I'm telling you, “Mundane History” plays up to its heinous name. Hailed by a film critic (this is what I read off some newspaper article...I don't know who was paying the author to say this) as the World Film Festival's #1 must-see independent film, L and I quickly decided “MH” would be a fantabulous way to introduce ourselves to Thai cinema.

“Who knows, this movie just MIGHT change your life,” we cooed to a skeptical Joanna over dinner, as we tried to convince of her of potential ingeniousness of the film.

Wrong.

I can't really go into the details of the meaning – or even the plot or synopsis – of the film because 1) there really wasn't one; 2) if there was, we didn't quite get it.

But, if I may try, the film is about a handicapped adult (who looks like a teenager, btw) and his caretaker. Scene after scene, we see the caretaker, Pun, change Kuhn Ake's (the adult) soiled bedsheets, give him showers, and meddle in their small talk about how they both love writing. In the meantime, we sometimes get glimpses of Kuhn Ake's workaholic father, with whom he lives, and Pun's other servant friends.

Throughout this film, there were multiple other scenes that stood out to us that made this movie the artistically absurd piece of “work” it is:

1. Three scenes of Kuhn Ake's turtle swimming in its tank.

2. A two-minute gradual zoom-in of the creation of a supernova. No joke, it was two-minutes long. Stars and space. Zoom. Star. Zoom. Ball of fire. Zoom. Slow motion explosion. Zoom. Baby stars. Zoom. Boom: Supernovaaaaaahh.

3. Kuhn Ake in a bathtub, naked, engaging in sexual behavior. This scene lasted for about one minute. Cue actual need for a scene of an (awkward) turtle.

4. A four-minute scene of a C-section operation. At first, I thought the operation was on some random human's back, but then a baby's head popped out. HAHA! And for the following two minutes we watched as nurses sucked the blood and goo out of the baby's nose and ears, with classical music in the background, of course. Oh, and this is how the movie ended.

At the end, I had my hands over my face with a dumbfounded expression written all over me. Joanna turned to me and made the “way over my head” motion with her hand. Linnea was slouched over, puzzled. Drew was already spaced out.

What made matters worse was that we were getting up to leave when a man sprung up two rows in front of us. We looked at him. It was the actor, Kuhn Ake. Apparently there was to be a Q&A session with the director and the film's actors after the movie ended. Jo and I looked at each other, gasped, and put our hands over our mouths. I did so because I was scared he heard or saw our confusion and boredom throughout the movie. Jo was shocked because that was the man whose man junk we had just seen on public full-screen display for a good two minutes.

We tried, after the movie, to interpret it. But to no avail. The best I could do was that this film is a parallel to our experiences here in Thailand: random, the start of something new (supernova), sometimes gross/dirty but beautiful (birthing of baby). But I doubt that's what the director was aiming to portray...

The moral of the story is that Thai cinema is a no-go for me.

//

What IS a go, though, is the upcoming release of “New Moon,” the second movie in the "Twilight" sequel. It comes out November 19^th, next Thursday, and Linnea, Jo, and I are beyond excited. Really, the release of this film was something I took into consideration when I decided to come to Thailand a few months ago. One of the things I said to my friends from PV was, “Oh no, I'm missing the release of 'New Moon'!” Pathetically tweeny, I know.

We posed with the larger-than-life-size cut-outs of Jacob Black, Bella, and Edward, in the Cineplex, directly after we were released from the baffling ordeal that “MH” put us through. Picture to come. Be prepared for the glory (...of Jacob Black. Forget the fact that he's 17 years old for two seconds and revel in how cute he is with me)!

Speaking of “New Moon,” I just wanted to touch upon my lunch with Madame Chong today. She took me to eat Muslim food (vague, I know, but apparently that's the right term for it...) at a local restaurant, and over the saffron rice and cumin-marinated chicken, she told me that she loves reading the Twilight books. Omg, how can you not fall in love with this adorable lady?! She's 48 years old, probably 5'1” or so, is “soft” (as I described previously), and treats me like her own daughter. And then she tells me she loves the Twilight books (the 3^rd book is her favorite, she said she'd lend it to me so that I could try reading it again), and, furthermore (!!), she told me that she thinks Edward Cullen is so handsome.

“'Twilight' is supposed to be for young girls, but can you imagine, me? Me! A 50 year-old woman who enjoys it, too!”

My heavens. Today's excited talk about the Twilight release with my friends, and Madame Chong's proclaimed love for the books/Edward Cullen, makes “Twilight” > “Mundane History” today, any day, everyday.

[nov 19 release in thailand. epic times to come.]